Tag Archives: Isolation

When A Loved One Relapses

This is part one of a series on how to support loved ones through the ups and downs of recovery.

Relapse. It’s a scary word. Scary for people using, but just as bad for family and friends. So, as a parent, what do you do if it’s your child? After all, parents are supposed to help and protect their kids. But what do you do when you have to protect your child from him or herself? 

No Easy Answer

 Let me start by saying there’s no easy answer. Sure, there’s the canned answers of “tough love” and “they made a bad choice, so they have to live with it”. These answers aren’t helpful though. Remember, the definition of an addiction is a compulsive behavior you cannot stop. Yes, choice plays a small role in that a person makes a choice to use that first time, but even that isn’t as clear cut as it seems. Way back when someone first used, choice existed. Once the person learned to cope by using, the role of choice becomes minimized. The person cannot unlearn that getting high takes away the problems they have. At least for a while. It’s guaranteed to make you feel better quickly. So, when things get rough, the compulsion to use overrides the good sense of choice. 

They Do Care

Another thing to remember is that “users don’t care about anything or anyone but using” is not true. They care. And they care quite a bit. In reality, that is a big part of the problem. See, the loved one using knows just how much they’re hurting everyone around them by their actions. So, on top of the struggles with depression, anxiety, anger, self-hatred, and more, they’re adding large amounts of shame. It becomes more of an issue of the person using feeling too much, caring too much, not being apathetic despite what they may say. 

Another Way to Look at Addiction

But what should a parent or other caregiver do? Remember first, another way of looking at addiction. Addiction is isolating. People leave. Addiction ruins relationships, loses jobs, until no one is left but the person using. Not an ideal situation for someone battling depression, anxiety, anger, shame, self-hatred, and more. 

So, if the opposite of addiction is recovery, then recovery means connections. As hard as it is, finding a balance between setting boundaries while also not abandoning the person using is important. Encourage the person to take their medications as prescribed if they have them, to see a therapist or counselor, to attend community sober support meetings. Anything you can think of to help connect the using person to positive sober supports. 

Now, I know setting boundaries with a loved one, particularly your child, can be challenging. When minors are involved, there’s a whole different set of legal obligations to think about on top of healthy limits within the family. We will discuss setting healthy boundaries next week, so please stop back. In the meantime, please call or email us with questions or concerns. We are happy to help.


Stacy Overby, MS, LADC, CCTP is the program director. She has been a licensed drug and alcohol counselor since 2010 and a certified clinical trauma professional since 2017.